My Story

Then… Pacing in the dayroom of the psyche ward, where I’d been transported by Sheriff’s patrol car for my second stay in 7 months, I was attempting to process my withdrawal from sophomore year in college, and the overwhelm of my strange, new diagnosis. Manic Depression. Now that I was finally lucid through anti-hallucinogenic medication and learning the strange new terms – mania, euphoria, grandiosity, psychosis, bipolar disorder – I had to admit that this was describing me!  But in the midst of this alarm and despair, I vowed to HEAL.  And though I’d rejected God since junior high, I floated a promise to the heavens that if I could find my way through, someday I would help others to do the same. This is my site to honor that promise and to share what I learned.

It was a meager start in the spring of 1984, with no internet or support groups and barely any literature available. I would be blindsided as well, by the bleak depression that would soon descend and reoccur in cycles like the medical books described.

My journey toward recovery would be a tumultuous five-year struggle.  It was full of fantastical, manic highs, wrenching depressive lows, and scary in-betweens. (As courage comes, I hope to share some of these stories.) In hindsight, I am surprisingly grateful for the experience. Throughout the upheaval of Bi-polar 1 illness, I reinvented every aspect of my life possible in search of healing.

The prior decade for me since my parents divorced when I was 10, had been chaotic and layered with drama, secrets and most every type of dysfunction. So all nooks of my tattered self were fair game for change. In fits and starts, I found improvement through new habits – physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally – to become the best version of myself I could be.

Calm, balanced, assertive and joyful. That is how I would describe myself upon healing and today. Far from perfect, humbled and human, but mostly cheerful and optimistic. When I encounter difficult times I’m confident that better days are always on the horizon.

Quietly “Normal” … After healing my damaging bi-polar behaviors, I found career contentment travelling with a technical sales job I loved, and in 1990, great happiness, marrying my best friend. Within a few years we started a family and I enjoyed stay-at-home-mom life for a decade, during which I also returned to school, and earned my Bachelor of Science in Mathematics at age 35.  Insert picture of girl doing cartwheel here (!) because my early college years had been full of emotional torment, depression and an inability to concentrate after my diagnosis and upheaval from 3 medical withdrawals.

Our young family moved cross-country twice for my husband’s career but returned to our Midwestern roots in the early 2000s to open the diner he’d dreamed about since childhood. Over 21 years  and thriving, I manage the bookkeeping, promotions, social media and a myriad of other tasks from home. We’ve been blessed with four phenomenal children along the way. Now, after 35 years of marriage, our youngest is past my age at diagnosis and moving out on his own… So for many reasons, I feel it’s finally time to open up.

Today… Time for me to step out from under the shame I carried since the buttoned-down 80s,  and share the warts of my past with this blog. My hope is that pieces of my story will resonate with you and things that worked for me will help you too. Mental illness can be just a season in life, as it was in mine. A season of growth and self-discovery; a prelude to a blossoming of your full potential. I aim to share all I’ve learned during my illness and the decades after – scouring books and gleaning the internet to understand “What the heck happened to me?!”, “What is the science behind how I healed?” and lastly “What are the principles for others to do the same?” I’ve given a few dozen “In Our Own Voice” talks for NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) in the last number of years and although initially drained by the feeling of “exposure”, I’m always blessed and gratified to be a lifeline of hope. … May you find understanding and inspiration here. May we strengthen and encourage each other.

Thank you!   Lisa